Friday, January 04, 2013

Running is...humbling!

I have goals.
Last year I had goals.
I'm one of those people that need semi set in stone goals.
However I can't manage to commit to this one goal:
a half marathon!

Each year I say, maybe this will be the year I run a half.  
My sister has run so many in the last two years,  I even saw her run her first marathon this fall. 
Super inspiring, yet I sat there thinking I'll be happy just to finish a half.

And I haven't

Last year I said maybe May, then July, and all hope for October was gone after our crazy summer!
There is always an excuse, always a reason that I don't. 
Sickness, weather, moving, kids, lack of motivation, injury, and the list goes on.

I sit here again thinking: maybe this will be the year!

Maybe, always maybe.
Do you know why?

I'm afraid of failure.

What if I tell people I am running a half this year, then I don't?
What if I don't meet my time goal?
What if I start the race and don't finish?
What if I have a panic attack?
What if I'm not "good enough?" 

What if...

My initial thought is that I need to stop thinking about a time goal and just be happy to finish.
Then I start to realize that it's deeper then that. 
It's not about the time or the race, but the fear of failure and not being good enough.

Lord take away my fear.
Let there be less of me and more of you.
Less fear of man and more dependence on you.

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful, I know that full well."
-Psalm 139:14

And yet I still can't confirm or deny the fact that I'm training for a 25 this year.
I'm just running, training, preparing, and learning.
If I run the 25k I will be elated, no matter what time I cross the line.
But what I will be more excited about is if I'm still running, even if I don't cross the finish line.
Following through on my goal to honor God with the body he has blessed me with.
That doesn't involve a finish line or a time, just honoring God with my mind, body and soul.

ps how cute is she?

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