times like these

This weekend is one I want to remember.  

I want to remember over looking a beautiful field of flowers with my babies.  

Not the fact that I somehow got the wrong date for a nature class and we missed.

I want to remember walking into our bedroom to find our babies cuddling.

Not the tears that night when Morgan broke a promise to his little sister.

I want to remember Addi + Morgan picking flowers in a giant field.
Not me rushing them along because I let fear and anxiety creep in.

I want to remember cousins holding hands and the joyful noise of everyone being reunited.
Not me getting overwhelmed by the noise and shutting down.

I want to remember walking out on the porch to find our kids sharing a chair even though they didn't have to.

Not the tears that my daughter cries each Sunday afternoon as her brothers goes back to his mom's house.

I want to remember the joy.

I want to shed the anxiety.

I want to embrace the noise.

I want to love this season.

I want to rid myself of mommy guilt.

Lord, show my what you want my heart to learn in this season of busyness and noise.  

Give me a heart to embrace this time.

Help me to rely on you for joy and peace.

Enable me to extend grace and love.

Make me more like you.

my big {little} girl!

This week was a big week for my sweet girl.  This mama's emotions have been going crazy!  She got a big hair cut! When she was little she had lots of hair cuts to keep her hair all evened out, but this was the first hair cut she remembers.  Plus she got almost eight inches cut off.  Crazy! 

In the week leading up to her hair cut I was a little really nervous about how my little sweet and spicy girl would react to getting her hair cut.  All I have to say is, at least she's predictable.  She had a massive meltdown, in the salon with a hair cut half done.  Everyone was incredible to us trying to help and distract her, but my girl has a mind of her own.  She ended up loving it and even hugged the stylist on the way out. The pour hairstylist, she never saw it coming.  Addi is bringing her a gift card to the local coffee shop. 

BEFORE

THE BIG BUT

AFTER

My little girl looks like a kindergartener.  It's bittersweet!  I love the haircut on her.  Since the big cut I've been trying to trim her hair a few times a day so she will be better about getting it cut next time.  She even knowingly let me cut it yesterday while she watch in the mirror.  It's kind of a big deal! It's so cute and easy that I want her to have a bob haircut e for a while.  It really fits her adventurous and sassy little personality. 

you + me {blended families}

This post has been on my heart for several weeks.  Writing about being a blended family isn't easy, it's a delicate balance.  There is no easy way to raise a child who has two sets of imperfect parents.  No handbook is given on how to deal with the tears my daughter weeps as her brother drives away.  

“The weaknesses, failures, and sins of our family are the places where we learn that we need grace too. It is there, in those dark mercies, that God teaches us to be humbly dependent. It is there that He draws near to us and sweetly reveals His grace. Paul's suffering teaches us to reinterpret our thorn. Instead of seeing it as a curse, we are to see it as the very thing that keeps us "pinned close to the Lord.” 

― Elyse Fitzpatrick, Give Them Grace: Dazzling Your Kids with the Love of Jesus

Motherhood has left me in tears countless times.  Often times I second guess if I am doing enough, hovering too much, giving enough grace and the list goes on.  Ladies, we are under attack.   Just think about what things will  be done in the kingdom when our families raise up Jesus loving, passionate children who are eager to make a difference in the world.  To love others and bring them into a relationship with our Father.  Think about the power that could come of two sets of God loving parents raising a child, putting aside their differences to bring up the next generation to stir up a revival.  No wonder we're under attack.  

As I walk through this journey  I cling to His truth and seek wisdom of those who have been on this journey longer then me.  Motherhood is the most humbling experiences one can ever experience.  To keep the rough days light hearted and full of truth I remind myself that if I were the "perfect parent" then my kids would not understand their need for a Savior.  And my kids will be fully aware of their need for Him.

“Believe that God is strong enough to save your children, no matter how you fail.”  

― Elyse Fitzpatrick, Give Them Grace: Dazzling Your Kids with the Love of Jesus

Today I want to share some thoughts that I don't want to forget as a mother to a child who doesn't share any of my genetics, but he carries half of my heart with him.  For the next thirteen years I want to:

• Show him Jesus in how I respond to him and the difficulties that come with co-parenting. To continually be praying for his mom and step dad as they parent him and for peace between us.  

• Grow in trust that my heavenly Father has this under control. God loves Morgan even more than we do. Though we often feel helpless and like we have very little influence, I want to focus more on the influence that we do have and make the most of those opportunities.  

• Continue to draw closer in my relationship with my Father so that His love and grace overflows from me to everyone around me; including Morgan, his mom and step dad.

• Remind Morgan that we are not always right and neither are his other set of parents, but to always be honest with him.  Our goal is to live as God wants us to live. 

• Show him that every decision we make should be tested against the Bible and what God would want for us. 

• Try very hard to never talk about his mom and step dad in front of him or say anything negative about them in front of Morgan, even tough it is hard at times.  Words that leave our mouth today will make an impact forever on his little heart. 

• Pray with and for him daily. Reminding him daily that God loves him regardless of his behavior and He wants to talk to him daily.

• Expose him to the body of Christ, large and small.  Different styles of church, ministry, missions, and serving.  I want to cultivate a love for the Lord in our home and a joy for serving others.

• Pray daily - I don't think I can say this enough.  Prayer is a struggle for me.

#shereadstruth too

Moms, they see little thing that you do, the good, the bad and the ugly. 

But you already knew that.  

Becoming a parent is the most humbling experience ever. 

My daughter has inherited my fiery spirit, I know this.  

My mother smiles because she always said, "I hope you have a little girl just like you." 

And I did.  

I don't care if she can't recognize all the letters of the alphabet by three or if she doesn't read until she's ten. 

If I fail to teach my daughter everything else, but she gets the power of a relationship with her Abba Daddy.

I'm ok with it.

She wants to be her mommy: she bakes, plays babies, bosses around her friends, and reads her Bible. 

 Take times to invest in her heart, soul and future with her Heavenly Father.  

Teach her the importance of a intimate relationship with Him.

Slow down and savor these moments.

***This is a reminder to myself too because I'm going to be honest.  Sometimes I just want her to sit and be quiet while I have my time with God.  This was a big wake up call for me.  It's not just about reading the Bible with her, but showing her your relationship with Him and letting her be part of it.  

Sick Day

Yesterday as I was writing all sickness broke loose in our house, specifically all over Addi's bed and floor. 

You know you're a mom when the words, "LUCKILY they just threw up ON me" leave your mouth. 

Because that means you only have to clean yourself up instead of the bed and carpets. Perspective.

There was a lot pink medicine, scrubbing floors, washing sheets, and tummies being covered with "the bucket."

 Even more cuddles with daddy, passing out in "the bucket" and sleeping on the couch.

But somewhere in between it all I had this moment of peace.

God knew I needed the reminder to slow down {honestly, I'm not sure how much slower I could get}.

To unplug from life, to just focus on that one little girl in my life that matters the most.

And I was grateful for unending cuddles, sleeping with her, and my husband who carried my load {baking cookies for a bake sale & getting some light food that she will hopefully be able to keep down}.

Tonight we are resting in the arms of our Father and holding tight to His promises.

We're grateful for the little reminders, even in the midst of lots of bodily fluid.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

-Matthew 11:28

Time of Renewal

If you follow me on Instagram you probably know that we had a little getaway weekend.  It was glorious! Every year around Valentine's Day we go away for a few nights, just the two of us.  We started going it a few years ago because we didn't really do anything for our Christmas or anniversary because it's the same time as our kids birthday and life is just crazy then.  So we decided to this time of year is perfect for us.  It's a little more calm and a little extra change in our pockets.  Off we went to a local small city for the weekend.

All weekend was about us, well mostly my husband spoiling me.  We relaxed, shopping, ate, got pampered, and just spent quality time alone together.  Reconnecting and enjoying our love for each other.  Time to just spend time with out stress, time schedules, etc.  It was so wonderful!  We highly recommend this to any married couple.  Even if it's dropping your kids off to their grandparents and having a date at your house.  No chores, kids, etc.  Just relaxing and enjoying the love of your life.

Our pastor just finish a series on attraction in marriage and a few of the quotes that stuck out to me as I reviewed my notes were:

• The grass is always greener where you water it
• If you don't like what you're getting out of it look what you're putting into it
• Don't try to do something you were never meant to do alone

Meaning God never intended for you to get married then not need Him.  He's right there beside you.  Helping you.  You just need to reach out to Him.  As we both grow closer to God we are growing closer to each other.  With out that key component in our marriage, it would be impossible to success.

Yes, we were so excited to get home to our little girl! There was lots of cuddling and hugs.

My Babies

This fall I won a giveaway for a mini session with Kimburley Sue Photography.

Despite the rainy weather and less then cooperative toddler she got some great shots!

Kimburley gave us all the images from the shoot on a CD. 

Elizabeth Sirven was sweet enough to touch up the unedited images I wanted to use.

After looking through a few ideas on Pinterest I took along some "toys" to contain the kids.

It's great because the little tricycle was mine growing up! 

The pictures were at the fairground which brought back childhood memories of showing there.

Like I said, a less the cooperative toddler who was ready for a nap.

I told her to take the picture any way so we could laugh about it in ten years.

Yesterday when we asked Addi why she was crying in the picture she said, 

"Addi crying because she didn't want picture."

That was over six weeks ago! 

{Me on the right in the same spot as "the meltdown" many years ago!}

Where You Lead, We Will Follow

Eighteen months ago we moved into my in laws house.

We thought we would move out with in a month or two.

For sure we would move before Christmas...in 2011.

Guess what...we're here three weeks from Christmas 2012.

And I wouldn't want to live anywhere else for our 2012 celebration!!

I couldn't be more grateful!!!

My in laws have blessed us in ways I will never be able to thank them for.

Our family has had a warm place to live and more then we could ever ask for.

My sweet baby girl has grown into her sweet, spunky little self here.

She is now talking, running, dancing, potty trained, and loving everyone around her.

This year and half has blessed me with some of the most amazing 

friendships that I know will last a lifetime.  

There will be days after we do move that I will need to call my best friend from Sturgis crying or laughing (I would't have met her if we would have moved in 2011).  When I will text the youth pastor's wife from our old church (even though our friendship became closer after she left our town and we went through similar experiences). When I will call my in laws because we need an emergency babysitter, have a sick child, or my car needs to be fixed and they will drive two hours in any weather condition to be there.  If we would have moved I wouldn't have know what it was like to have a deep bond with a friend, a fellow pastor's wife I can text about anything, a close relationship with my in laws and even more importantly my roots.  

Recently I've been getting a small glimpse of those roots that have been forming through what has felt like storm after storm after storm the last few years.  There were times I would have given anything to move on to the next best thing, but I wouldn't be half the person I am today.  My faith has been tested time and time again, I was far from perfect, but grace has been lavished on me and have I ever grown.

Lord, where you lead, we will follow.

Where you take us, through thick and thin, your plan is far sweeter then our own.

It's beauty might not be visible to us through the growing pains,

but is it ever a beautiful picture when you open our eyes to see your masterpiece. 

Happy Black Friday!

Happy {late} Thanksgiving! 

First of all, I'm not great at taking pictures in large family settings.

Usually I have to schedule a little seasonal photo shoot {by be} of my girl to get pictures.

And I happened to be sick at 2:30AM on Thanksgiving morning, 

so I was  just happy to make it to our big family dinner.

The evening before Thanksgiving I went to a friends house to watch her little ones.

It was so much fun! We danced to Christmas music and enjoyed their little Christmas corner.

It had their little plush chairs, a kid friendly nativity, and two boxes of Christmas books.

When we have a house of our own again we are definitely doing this! 

Friday morning I woke up feeling so much better! 

Shortly after waking up my father in laws new scooter was delivered.

It was such a blast to drive the kids around the yard.

Our niece and nephew took turns riding with us, which was a blast.

We even drove around while the snow was falling and our fingers were freezing! 

We had a great time shopping the sales and got everything we were looking for.

No, we've never got pushed, trampled, or yelled at.

Our family looks at it as a way to save money and bless our kids with a few presents.

Since our kids are starting to get older we decided to start a new present tradition.

FIVE GIFTS:

1 thing they want

1 thing they need

1 thing they wear {Christmas PJs to open Christmas eve}

1 thing they read {Christmas book to open Christmas eve}

1 thing homemade {from siblings}

I love this because we can bless our children, but it doesn't become overwhelming.

We can continue to focus on the reason for CHRISTmas and creating lasting memories.

Blessed Beyond Measure

When I was pregnant for our daughter we decided it was time to trade in my high school car for something that could actually fit a carseat in it.  

We used a good chunk of case with a "small loan" to get our SUV and love it.

However, we missed the freedom of not having a car loan.  

So we saved up some cash to buy our next vehicle, a mini van from an auto auction.

Then we sold that and used cash to a new car.

And now...finally...we traded in and got our mini van.

NO LOAN! 

Thank you Jesus! 

My amazing husband traded cars patiently waiting for the van he wanted for his family.

He researched to find the safest van made in the year we would be buying.

For the little car lot in town that not only had the van we wanted, 

but was willing to trade the van for our car.

We're so blessed to have a heavenly Father who cares for our every need.

Finding Rest {Matthew 11:28}

Lately I've been absent and not just from this blog.

"Come to me and I will give you rest."
-Matthew 11:28

Life has been beyond chaotic! 

I can't remember the last time I ran.

The seasons have changed for our family and I closed my shop.

Play dates aren't happening as often.

But it doesn't matter.

I find joy! 

Morning snuggles with my little girl are priceless.

 Life is a crazy adventure, but I have the my best friend by my side.

Praying together that God will lead our family.

We have a roof over our head.

Our hearts are filled with love.

There is no need to worry about our future.

God has that under control!

Sometimes I'm just purely exhausted by life! 

Lately God has been teaching me to find rest. 

In Him.

I've found that in each season of life my rest looks different.

Sometimes crocheting was my rest.

Other times running.

Right now my rest is quiet. 

Right now I'm in rest.

Waiting on God.

Crying out to him! 

Being filled.