She Reads Truth Community!

Sometime in the last year I came across the SheReadsTruth community on Instagram, I think it was during their second plan.  This community has grown my love of studying the Word and has given me so many women in my life that are pouring truth into my heart.  Looking back on this year I couldn't be more grateful for where the Lord has brought our family though and the support that SRT has given me. SheReadsTruth tagline is "this time we're doing it together" and I couldn't be more grateful for that! 

Happy One Year SheReadsTruth Family! 

silence

It's been eerily quiet around here lately.
Our summer vacation kicked off and now struggle to find words.
Writing about my struggles with school is easy.
Talking about exhaustion is understandable.
Keeping up my journey to a half marathon is mundane.

But school is done.
I'm still exhausted.
Struggling.
Holding on.

Silence sets in.

Why is it that as humans we feel the need to do this alone?
To struggle in silence, not letting people know we need a hug or encouraging word.
This isn't the way that our Comforter intended it to be.

Through the pain in my heart I struggle to see the promise for me.
Sure, others are worthy of blessings and having their prayers be answered.
But me, why me?

So today, I am here admitting that I am struggling through motherhood, life as married college students, seeing how God would want to bless our undeserving family.  If I'm going to be honest, having a completely unnecessary pity party.  My God is mighty and just.  He sees our needs.  He hears our prayers.  And in this season of struggle and being completely humbled, I am holding onto Him, knowing that I am right where He wants me to be.  Struggling with my prideful and discontent heart.  And through tears I say thank you.

#shereadstruth too

Moms, they see little thing that you do, the good, the bad and the ugly. 

But you already knew that.  

Becoming a parent is the most humbling experience ever. 

My daughter has inherited my fiery spirit, I know this.  

My mother smiles because she always said, "I hope you have a little girl just like you." 

And I did.  

I don't care if she can't recognize all the letters of the alphabet by three or if she doesn't read until she's ten. 

If I fail to teach my daughter everything else, but she gets the power of a relationship with her Abba Daddy.

I'm ok with it.

She wants to be her mommy: she bakes, plays babies, bosses around her friends, and reads her Bible. 

 Take times to invest in her heart, soul and future with her Heavenly Father.  

Teach her the importance of a intimate relationship with Him.

Slow down and savor these moments.

***This is a reminder to myself too because I'm going to be honest.  Sometimes I just want her to sit and be quiet while I have my time with God.  This was a big wake up call for me.  It's not just about reading the Bible with her, but showing her your relationship with Him and letting her be part of it.  

breathe

Last week I mentioned that I was overwhelmed. Today as I feel a cool breeze blowing through my window I feel refreshed. A breath of fresh air.  God's grace continues to overwhelm my soul and give me rest.  

You see I'm a full time wife, mom and college student.  One of my classes has been slowly, but surely causing stress to creep up all around me.  This weekend I was set free.  An overwhelming peace came over me.  

 As I'm reading through my devotions on prayer and I begin the circle maker study at church I am reassured that God has me in this season to break me of myself and draw me closer to Him.  I am confident in this.  

If I'm going to be honest here, and I am, this week I learned something revolutionary: God hears our prayers the first time • After that we can thank Him for the way He will answer • Whether it's now or generations to come • He will fulfill His promise.  You know what?  I thought there was something wrong with me.  

Satan kept weaseling his way in and telling me our prayers weren't being answered because I didn't pray well enough, didn't read my Bible consistent enough and the list goes on.  You know what the problem was?  It was all about me.  Nothing I can do will make God answer my prayers instantly.  There is no ten point plan.  

But you know what, Jesus paid it all so that I could pray to my Heavenly Father.  So I could enter his kingdom.  He has blessed me beyond measure.  No matter how selfish I feel, I am blessed.  Even when our lives are tough, I want to be so grateful.  Grateful that through those times of trial I will grow closer with my Daddy.  

Telos: It Is Finished!

On March 2, 2013 I went to a class that was the conclusion of a four week study I attended at our church, Foundations of Freedom.  It was life changing for me.  No, I'm not perfect.  No, I don't feel fixed.  But I feel free and I can simply feel again.  I feel connected to God in a way I don't think I ever have.  This is a excerpt from my journal that day:

"During the weeks of Foundations of Freedom God gave me Psalm 139, asking Him to search me, know my heart, see if there is an offensive way in me, then lead me in the way of the everlasting {verses 23-24}.

On the way to Telos {greek word for it is finished} He gave me Psalm 5:3 "In the morning, O Lord, your hear my voice; in the morning I lay my request before you and I wait in expectation."

During the salt water cleansing He gave me Psalm 51:10 "Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." I am not blameless, I am a sinner in need of a Savior.  My Savior is big enough for me.  Nothing I do can or will make Him bigger or me better."

As this prayer was read I wept: " Father, I repent of agreeing with the voice of shame and believing the lies that I am evil, different than others, dirty and unworthy.  I come to you face to face and repent of trying to hide myself from you and others.   repent for not believing that the blood of Jesus is enough and that it cleanses me from all sins and all the shame of the past.  I repent for not believing what your word says about me.  Thank you Father for transforming me today, for removing the veil and letting me see myself, transformed and glorious in you.  In Jesus name, amen."

When the Answer is No

There has obviously been a lot of heartache over the shooting in Connecticut the last week.

Neither of my kids go to school, but I'm more grateful for the time I have with them each day.

Then yesterday we got the phone call, but it wasn't the phone call we were anticipating.

Two and a half weeks ago our family went to a weekend interview at a church.

We were blown away by what an amazing community they had and the connections we made.

Afterward we felt refreshed, on fire to enter ministry, and our heart longed to be there.

Honestly, when the call came we were not expecting the answer to be no.

The few days before there were a few little moments God was showing me that it might be no.

To prepare my heart.  

To remind me that He works out the little details.

That He's at work in my heart to prepare me for His plan.

On our way to the interview my husband said, "I don't feel closure leaving the factory, God is going to have to give me a big sign that it's time to move on."

I was blown away!!!!!

This man has been in college for years working to become a youth pastor.

He has worked at a life sucking factory job for almost four years.

And my husband says, "we might have to stay because I don't feel like God's work is finished there."

Thank you Lord for my husband the faithful servant.

God answered Evan's question, he's not done here. 

He's still there to influence the lives of his co-worked for His kingdom.

When we got the, "we went with someone else" call.

It felt little like mourning a death.

 Happy that we can rejoice in God's plan, but still saddened by our loss.  

A deep heartache.

And then it happened, God spoke to my heart.

He convicted me of so many things that matter more in this world. 

More then the fact that we have been wanting to move since we got married three years ago. 

Even more then living with my in laws for eighteen months, applying for job after job after job.

It breaks my heart that we live two hours from Morgan.

When our life on earth is done will we remember the pain in the trials or

will we rejoicing in who God has molded us into midst of sorrow?

Whose lives we have been able to touch through honoring His name.

Not just honoring, but also thriving in the midst of trial.

Will we let our trial define and consume us, causing depression or self pity?

Or will we honor God and let him shape us even more?

God has put a few things on my heart that need to change in my life.

Things that once were on the forefront, but then life happened.

Exhaustion set in.

I was just getting by.

I want to thrive! 

At my grandpa's funeral we sang "Blessed Be Your Name,"

in that moment as a junior in high school it felt like I was losing a lot.

My youth pastor moving, a friend going across the world, my grandpa dying, 

my sister moving across the country, relationships severed.

I remember singing that song with such conviction that I will bless His name 

when the blessings feel plentiful or when I feel like I'm in a desert.

As soon as we heard no that song was on my heart.

And as I've had time to process I'm realizing even more that though this 

might be a desert place for me, I don't have to act like it.  

I don't have to just get by with a smile of my face.

I try to have a positive attitude, but my heart longs for when it's our turn.

Lord take those feelings from me. 

Remind me of our true blessings.
Remind me of the things that matter more:.

Even when we have little, remind me to give abundantly.

Thank you Lord for speaking to my heart! 

Thank you for refreshing my heart through sorrow.

Where You Lead, We Will Follow

Eighteen months ago we moved into my in laws house.

We thought we would move out with in a month or two.

For sure we would move before Christmas...in 2011.

Guess what...we're here three weeks from Christmas 2012.

And I wouldn't want to live anywhere else for our 2012 celebration!!

I couldn't be more grateful!!!

My in laws have blessed us in ways I will never be able to thank them for.

Our family has had a warm place to live and more then we could ever ask for.

My sweet baby girl has grown into her sweet, spunky little self here.

She is now talking, running, dancing, potty trained, and loving everyone around her.

This year and half has blessed me with some of the most amazing 

friendships that I know will last a lifetime.  

There will be days after we do move that I will need to call my best friend from Sturgis crying or laughing (I would't have met her if we would have moved in 2011).  When I will text the youth pastor's wife from our old church (even though our friendship became closer after she left our town and we went through similar experiences). When I will call my in laws because we need an emergency babysitter, have a sick child, or my car needs to be fixed and they will drive two hours in any weather condition to be there.  If we would have moved I wouldn't have know what it was like to have a deep bond with a friend, a fellow pastor's wife I can text about anything, a close relationship with my in laws and even more importantly my roots.  

Recently I've been getting a small glimpse of those roots that have been forming through what has felt like storm after storm after storm the last few years.  There were times I would have given anything to move on to the next best thing, but I wouldn't be half the person I am today.  My faith has been tested time and time again, I was far from perfect, but grace has been lavished on me and have I ever grown.

Lord, where you lead, we will follow.

Where you take us, through thick and thin, your plan is far sweeter then our own.

It's beauty might not be visible to us through the growing pains,

but is it ever a beautiful picture when you open our eyes to see your masterpiece. 

Finding Rest {Matthew 11:28}

Lately I've been absent and not just from this blog.

"Come to me and I will give you rest."
-Matthew 11:28

Life has been beyond chaotic! 

I can't remember the last time I ran.

The seasons have changed for our family and I closed my shop.

Play dates aren't happening as often.

But it doesn't matter.

I find joy! 

Morning snuggles with my little girl are priceless.

 Life is a crazy adventure, but I have the my best friend by my side.

Praying together that God will lead our family.

We have a roof over our head.

Our hearts are filled with love.

There is no need to worry about our future.

God has that under control!

Sometimes I'm just purely exhausted by life! 

Lately God has been teaching me to find rest. 

In Him.

I've found that in each season of life my rest looks different.

Sometimes crocheting was my rest.

Other times running.

Right now my rest is quiet. 

Right now I'm in rest.

Waiting on God.

Crying out to him! 

Being filled.