Monday, February 04, 2013

Emotional Truth

For twenty-one days of January I participated in the Daniel Fast with our church.
It was a time of fasting and prayer.  
In the past I have tried to do "fasts" on my own, 
but they were not surrounded in love and prayer.
They revolved around wanting to see the number on the scale go down.

This time it was different. 

Our pastor gave some amazing messages on when our spiritual health is aligned the physical and mental change will come.  They all worked together for good.  I would love to tell you that I was the happy person who felt like roses and sunshine the whole time, but I wasn't.  In fact my husband had to remind me that fasting was to be done with a joyful heart.  Truthfully, it was for me because I was anticipating God speaking to my heart, but that meant a lot of hurt and pain was being brought up and worked through during that time.  Which often resulted in a lot of tears.

As I filled my body with nutrient dense fruits, vegetables, legumes, and the occasional whole grain I was seeing a huge difference in how my body was reacting.  I had more energy and no need for coffee.  I was full and satisfied.  I enjoyed finding new ways to enjoy the goodness of natural food God gave us.  I thought more clearly. I wasn't hiding from my emotions then coming unglued. It was revitalizing. 
But still I was in tears, multiple times though out the twenty-one days.  God was moving in my heart.  Bringing up the hurt our family has experienced over the last few months and years, helping me work through those wounds so I could heal and move on.  It wasn't pretty.  I was grumpy and depressed.  I wanted something to just take all the pain away. To move on with the process over night, like a happy pill.  At times I didn't know what to say to God other then: Why us? When are we going to get a break?  What in the world is your plan?! 

I was constantly being reminded that God can handle our true, real emotions.  He's big enough.  Through out the month I've been reading a lot on depression and pursuing God's divine love.  That I need to trade in the old names I've allowed life to give me for new names that God has given me:

"Your old identity is in the past, and God offers you a new name as one who shares in His victory.

Your name is Accepted.
Your name is Victor.
Your name is Loved."

I'm learning, growing, and finding my true joy again. 
Slowly but surely I'm putting the lies behind me.
The joy I've been denying for so long is slowly returning.

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